Someone's Opinion

"Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality." --Les Brown

How many times have we said, "I don't care what other people think of me"? But saying it, unfortunately, doesn't make it so. It's difficult not to let someone's opinion of us affect our reality. Humans are social beings. We want to be respected, accepted, liked, and loved. When someone views us in a negative light, it can hurt and shake our self-confidence. We begin to question ourselves. Could it be true? Am I really like that? Do they see something I don't?

It's important to remember that someone's opinion of you is not a reflection of you but of them. When someone is passing judgement, they are holding up a mirror and seeing their own reflection. It has nothing to do with you as long as you are living your authentic life.

The most judgemental people also tend to be the least self-confident and self-aware. So the next time you meet a judgemental person, don't try to change their opinion of you...remain strong in who you are and understand that they are on their own journey. Maybe if you embrace them in your reality of compassion and acceptance, you can help change their opinion of themself.

Enjoy your journey...

Fighting Fire with Fire

"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes." --Abigail Van Buren

I actually looked up the phrase, "fight fire with fire," because I was curious. And here is what I found...the phrase means to "respond to an attack by using a similar method as one's attacker." Interesting...and scary.

What would happen if we decided to do the opposite? Instead of responding with an attack when attacked, what if we responded with kindness and understanding? Instead of being defensive, what if we tried being open? Now, I'm not saying we should tolerate emotional or physical abuse. We should walk away from any abusive situation. I'm trying to understand what good comes from fighting anger with anger; cruelty with cruelty; or hatred with hatred. Wouldn't we just inflame the situation?

So the next time I'm confronted with an "attack", I'm going to take a deep breath and listen...listen for the underlying cause. Because I would prefer to fight the fire with openness and compassion, and if that doesn't work...a rather large bucket of water.

Enjoy your journey...

Success vs Values

"Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value." --Albert Einstein

How would you define success? We all have our own idea of what success looks like whether it applies to fame, fortune, career, family or the theory of relativity. So hold that image of success in your mind's eye...now, what would you do to achieve it? What would you give up? Would you give up your values? Is it okay to achieve success at the expense of others?

A timely example of this would be the situation with AIG. Those executives had no problem accepting their million dollar bonuses at the expense of the average tax payer. Does their desire for monetary success overshadow their ethics? And does it really matter in the end?

So the question is...is it possible to be successful while maintaining your integrity? I have to believe the answer is "yes." Albert Einstein did it along with many other visionaries and world leaders. What's the difference between these men and women of character and the AIG executives?...their connection to humanity. As long as we view our success through the lens of "we" instead of "me," we can be both a person of success and a person of value.

Enjoy your journey...

Hope of a Better Past

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past." --Landrum Bolling

Forgiveness...an easy word to say, but a difficult word to do. Landrum Bolling's definition makes me wonder. What would happen if we all made peace with our past? Gave up our grudges? Celebrated our histories? What would happen if we all lived completely, freely in the present moment?

We can't change the events in our past. We can only change the impact these events have on our lives today. Do we choose to learn from our past experiences and move on a wiser person? Or do we choose to re-live the pain and anger over and over again hoping for a different outcome? Our past is unique to us so let's embrace the good; the bad; the joy; and the hurt that make us who we are today.

Yes, it's easier said than done, but forgiving others can be empowering and forgiving yourself...can be liberating.

Enjoy your journey...

In Honor of St. Patrick's Day

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" --Benjamin Franklin

Many of you may know the famous quote by Ben Franklin. I thought it would be the perfect sentiment to share on this day honoring St. Patrick. The funny thing is some critics are saying that good ole Ben never mentioned beer in this quote. In actuality, he was referring to wine. Either way...I agree with Ben!

I will leave the debate to you as you enjoy your refreshing green beer (or wine) on this wonderous day.

Enjoy your journey...

Uphill Battle

"The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill." --W. Clement Stone

I chuckled when I first read this quote...because it applied to me. I remember a time in my life when I wondered, "Why wasn't I successful?" And I remember sitting and waiting...waiting for success to come my way. I waited and waited and waited, and I couldn't figure out why success was so elusive. Well...because I wanted success to come find me. I didn't realize that success was waiting for me to come find it.

Of course, we all define "success" differently. I believe this quote speaks to how we define success for ourselves. It's not about how success is defined for us by our family, friends or society. Living up to someone else's definintion of success is virtually impossible and can lead to frustration and unhappiness. So finally, I stood up and decided to take that important step toward success. I may not have caught up to it yet, but I can tell you that I'm nipping at its heels.

The quote also reinforces the idea of "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" not "when the going gets tough, just sit down and don't bother." Even though we have all felt like that at times. You just gotta pick yourself up; dust yourself off; and take that first step. It may not be a big step, but it will send a signal to the universe that you are ready...ready for the success that you deserve.

Enjoy your journey...

A True Test of Character

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." --Samuel Johnson

I've read similar quotes by other sages including Buddha. It's a very popular sentiment and one I believe in wholeheartedly. Because you see...I experienced it firsthand.

I spent six years of my life as a server either in a restaurant or as a barista. When you are being paid to wait on someone, you are exposed to their true nature. Because some people viewed me as beneath them or as "someone who can do them absolutely no good," they treated me with very little respect, consideration and kindness. I had to remind myself that their actions were in no way a reflection of me but of their own ego and insecurity.

It's been ten years since I've worked in the service industry (being married doesn't count), and I carry this lesson with me even today. I do my best to treat everyone I meet with compassion and dignity, because we all have our unique life story. When I attend a work or social event at a restaurant, I watch how the host/ess and guests treat the wait staff. Try it sometime...you'll get a genuine glimpse into their true character.

And in my humble opinion, being of service is the greatest act one person can bestow on another.

Enjoy your journey...

Go Fly a Kite

"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it." --Winston Churchill

Have you ever flown a kite and watched it fly with the wind? It doesn't get very far. What's interesting about this quote is that it can be interpreted a couple of different ways. One is similar to "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It is the idea that adversity strengthens your character...your spirit. If you are faced with a challenge or obstacle, continue to push forward, because the outcome will be much sweeter than if you had turned around and walked away.

Another interpretation could be about choosing the more difficult path in life and experiencing a higher level of joy and being. Or maybe it's about challenging the status quo. Do you dare fly against the wind and everyone else? Wouldn't it be simplier to fly in the same direction as others? But would it be as rewarding and gratifying?

How do you interpret this quote by Sir Winston Churchill?

Enjoy your journey...

Embrace Uncertainty

"Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it." --Andre Gide

I read an article over the weekend by Martha Beck, "Blinded by the Light?" In it, she discusses how to sort out the "good kind of faith from the misguided." She discusses the dangers of religious groups who are based on the foundation of having the Truth. For example, some religions are so entrenched on being Absolutely Right that they never notice the irony of hating in the name of love; killing to defend "Thou shalt not kill;" and waging war under the banner of peace. These groups strongly believe that they are right and anyone who disagrees is wrong. It's an interesting read. I recommend you check it out.

After reading the article, I thought about the quote by Andre Gide and realized great leaders (religious or otherwise) actively seek truth. A great leader never believes to have found the truth. Truth is not absolute. Truth for one person can be far different for another, because it all depends on our personal experiences and the lens with which we examine life. I can't compare my truth to yours claiming that I am right, and you are wrong. Once someone claims to know truth, they will stop searching, learning and understanding.

Is it possible for a person to know everything there is to know about anything? And would you trust this person? I believe that in order to find truth, you must never stop looking for it.

Enjoy your journey...

The Sower of the Seed of Doubt

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it." --Chinese Proverb

Did you every have a friend or family member who criticized almost everything you did or tried to do? He or she became an excellent sower of the seed of doubt, and when the seed of doubt was firmly planted, it became almost impossible to weed out. According to them, their comments were not meant to be hurtful but helpful...what a funny way of showing support, you thought. Of course, their words were demoralizing. In fact more so, because you respected and trusted this person.

When this first happened to me, I was startled. I didn't know how to respond or rebound. I took their words as truth, and it shook my already unstable foundation of self-confidence. So why would someone who supposedly cares about us deliver such a blow? Is it a conscious act or an unfortunate reflex?

I don't know the answers, but I do know that their words and criticism is not a reflection of you or me. It is a pure reflection of them. It is a declaration of their own insecurity, doubt and lack of faith in their being. They blow out your candle in order to make theirs burn brighter.

If you believe in your heart; believe in your soul; believe in your entire being, you can do anything you desire despite opposing opinions. So be strong; be confident; and never stop achieving your dreams, because you are doing it. You are doing it right now, and no one can tell you other wise. Nurture that seed of doubt so it turns into the courage and faith that drives you. And if you are the one handing out the disparaging comments to loved ones, take a long, hard look at yourself and why you feel the need to blow out their candle...why you are the sower of the seed of doubt.

Do you have an experience to share?

Enjoy your journey...

A Very Small Bundle

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." --Benjamin Franklin

Ah, yes, Ben Franklin. You will see many of his quotes filled with wit and wisdom on my blog. He is one of my favorites. When I first read this quote, an ex-boyfriend came to mind. He was definitely a "very small bundle". He was selfish and rarely gave to others. His intense self-focus made him a very small man...with little patience; little kindness; little joy; and a little heart. He was such an unhappy person that everyone around him was miserable. I hope he was able to "unwrap" himself in the years after our relationship to discover true happiness.

Even though good ole Ben wrote the quote in the masculine, it applies to anyone who spends their energy and time preoccupied with their own needs, wants, desires and beliefs with little or no compassion for others. I believe greatness happens when we let people in...when we give of ourselves...when we undo the wrapping. So how do we stop worrying about the "me" and start caring for the "we"?

Today, the man in my life is not a "small bundle" at all. He is a warm, genuine, selfless and compassionate person so I had no choice but to marry him.

How do you unwrap yourself?

Enjoy your journey...

Nothing to Fear...

"Do what you fear and fear disappears." --David J. Schwartz

David Joseph Schwartz was a college professor and a world renowned authority on motivation. So when I read his quote, I thought..."well, that doesn't sound too difficult." WRONG! As irrational as it may be, fear can be quite paralysing. It can stop us from taking action. And according to David, action is what erases fear. I think the key word in his quote is do. In order to get over our fear, we need to just do it. Hey, it worked for Nike. They made a fortune off this concept.

Is there something you would like to do but have been too afraid? What's stopping you? What are you afraid of? Because we are blessed with complex brains, we tend to over think things. The "what if's" get in the way. So...WHAT IF? Instead of wondering, let's all take that leap...take that plunge. Commit to that one thing you have always wanted to try. Commit to action. Try it and let me know what happens.

Enjoy your journey...

The Human Experience

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." --Teilhard de Chardin

This is one of my favorite quotes, and one I think of often. In fact, this quote inspired me to begin this blog so I decided to use it as my first post.

Has anyone ever told you that they had a "spiritual experience"? What does that mean exactly? I interpret it as a moving, uplifting, joyous, exhilarating, and life-changing experience. A "living in the moment" experience. But why can't we live in the moment every moment? I believe this is what Teilhard de Chardin was trying to tell us. These spiritual experiences should not be fleeting and occasional but represent who we truly are. Being human is finite. It has a clear beginning and ending. I compare the human experience to the experience of attending school. As humans, we live through many successes and failures; loves and losses; and joys and sorrows. All of this is necessary to make us better beings, stronger more compassionate beings. The human experience is finite, but living in the moment is eternal. We, as spiritual beings, are eternal.

What does this quote mean to you?

Enjoy your journey...